"YOU’RE HIRED!"
THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF JOB SEARCH
by Michael Goldberg

Shut up and listen !
By Michael Goldberg

Pretty harsh, huh? Often, that’s all it takes to listen a little closer and learn a lot more. Here’s a question for you: How many networking connections, sales calls, business decisions, or customer service opportunities have you botched simply because you didn’t listen carefully enough to the contact, prospect, boss, or customer? Answer: Too many! If you just stopped speaking long enough to listen to the needs of those contacts, prospects, co-workers, and customers, things may have turned out differently. And yes, it’s the same story with family members and other personal relationships.

We spend more time communicating (or trying to communicate) with one another than we do in engaging in any other activity. Imagine that! Yet we’re horrible at it.

Communicating is the exchange of information with the purpose of increased understanding. If there is no understanding, there is no communication. That said, over 75% of our communication efforts are ignored, misunderstood, or completely forgotten. Consider how smart we’d be if we had retained even some of that information. The reason for all of this you ask? We don’t work hard enough insuring what we say is engaging, clear, and understood. Also, we don’t put enough effort into understanding and clarifying what’s being said. Am I being clear?

Hearing versus listening
For one thing, hearing and listening are two different concepts. When you hear someone or something, it is all about the sound that is being made. You can hear the sound of someone’s voice but not listen to a word. Ever try talking to someone when they’re glued to the TV screen? Listening is all about understanding a message. When speaking with someone, ensure you are being listened to rather than just being heard.

What prevents us from listening?
There are many barriers that prevent us from listening or listening well. Some of the more popular ones include outside distractions, lack of interest, dislike of the other person (this never happens), varying paradigms, different agendas, preconceived notions, stereotyping and prejudices, past history, misunderstandings, and conflict. All of this stuff gets very complex, emotional, and personal. It would be great if we could just recognize this dynamic within ourselves and let it go. Yes, just like that, let it go. Then, shut up and listen. The world would be a better place and many of the dynamics I’ve mentioned above would simply go away – or never exist in the first place. The reality - it’s just not that easy. But imagine if it were? All of these barriers just serve as a cloud cover that overshadows any message being delivered to us. Sometimes the message may even be important.

Roles of the listener
We play many roles when we are on the receiving end of someone’s message. We make a conscious and sometimes subconscious choice as to the roles we play. For example, we can choose to completely ignore a message – not a bad thing, in some cases a very good thing. It all depends on the message and its relevance to you. Ever pretend to listen to someone? You nod your head as if you are listening, but really you’re on a different planet – in essence, ignoring them. Hopefully, you don’t get asked to respond or offer feedback. You can be selective in your listening, choosing to focus on only parts of a message. You can listen comprehensively with the purpose of learning, appreciatively with the purpose of enjoying music or a speech, and critically in an effort to give feedback. Active listening is the most effective role we can ever play as a listener and requires the most work. The purpose of active listening is to absorb a message like a sponge in an effort to understand. Each of these roles has its place and it all depends on your intention and attention at any given moment.

Active listening
If your intention is to clearly understand a message as it was meant to be presented, active listening is the ticket. These four approaches can help you practice and improve your listening skills and help you to become a more active listener.

Restate what’s been said to you in your own words when appropriate. Reflect on the feeling and perspective of the person sharing the message. If you can relate to the message in any way, than say so. Summarize key points of the message at a sufficient break. Ask questions when needed for more information and clarity.

Like any skill that needs to be learned and developed, this requires buy in, repetition, and practice. So take every opportunity with family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, bosses, prospects, and clients to practice. So practice! You may find others catch on and become better at listening to your message. It happens!

The worst listeners are those that listen with their mouth. I can be a pretty good example of that. The best listeners are those that shut up and restate, reflect, summarize and ask about the prospect’s needs, the customer’s issues, and the boss’s expectations.

The benefits of becoming a better listener are huge – greater knowledge, decisions, sales, and relationships. Not to mention greater respect from others. And what can be better than that?

Michael Goldberg is a speaker, trainer, and the President of Building Blocks Consulting. He helps organizations achieve measurable growth in sales, service, and leadership. Michael delivers seminars, runs sales meetings, and conducts training programs on networking, leadership, public speaking, customer service, and job search. He can be reached at 732-446-2233 or via e-mail at megoldberg@building-blocks.net.